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In late May of 2006, scientists reported that it
is possible to create a kind of electronic cloak
that will render its occupant invisible. Pundits
are already pondering what invisibility would be
like for us ordinary humans. Satisfying fantasies
of locker room lust may be one of the first things
that comes to mind. But we can also fantasize about
vengeful fantasies, spying on our boss or spouse,
stealing things, or getting secret information.
The attraction of invisibility, however, may not
be nearly as compelling as a desire to become visible.
Lonely in a Crowd
It may be hard to imagine myself invisible as I
walk on a crowded city sidewalk: I'm out there for
everyone to see. But I notice that most people are
looking straight ahead, or down to avoid tripping.
I may as well not exist to other people. I would
guess that if someone showed my picture to one of
the straight-aheaders, even a few minutes after
passing me, there would be only puzzled non-recognition.
Invisibility, Inc.
Many large companies now manage their benefits
program by computer, or outsource the program's
management. Invisibility takes on a new level of
meaning when an automated telephone response system
becomes circular or a benefits website requires
dozens of links to get the simplest information.
Sometimes there's no way to talk to or e-mail a
human being. Getting information about health insurance,
401k funds, expense reimbursements, or nearly anything
else can be an exercise in trying to outsmart a
machine.
Take a Number
If I want to get attention from my government,
I have to take a number - a Social Security number.
I, like the nearly everyone else in the US, am invisible
to anyone in charge of making laws. I will come
to the attention of the enforcers of those laws
only if I break them. Ironically, for the most part,
I have to be a criminal to get my government's attention
at any level from national to local.
We are identified by many other numbers, from various
account numbers to the number we take at the deli
counter. It can be maddening to call a store or
credit card company and be asked to key in a dozen
digits or so of the account number - and then be
connected to a person who proceeds to ask for the
same number. I rarely encounter a pleasant customer
representative over the phone, one who knows my
name and doesn't seem to be rushing me in order
to meet a quota.
Racial Invisibility
I can't write about racial invisibility from personal
experience, but it's an important element of invisibility,
and I feel I should include it. Ralph Ellison wrote
about the invisibility of being black in a white
society. In his first novel, Invisible Man, he says:
"I am an invisible man. When they approach
me they see only my surroundings, themselves, or
figments of their imagination - indeed, everything
and anything except me." Racism forces a cloak
of invisibility in which only the cloak can be seen.
Bring It Home
In some families, Mom toils at home and often at
an outside job with little recognition. Dad slaves
away, invisible to his bosses and almost as invisible
to his family: He's away at work during the day,
preoccupied at home in the evening or doing Mr.
Fix-It chores on the weekend. The kids, after a
certain age, spend most of their time with friends;
their parents are convenient sources of food, shelter,
and clean clothes. Everyone's at least partially
invisible to everyone else.
Trouble
The invisible wife opens her heart, and her legs,
to a man who can truly "see" her, even
if this seeing is an illusion. The invisible husband
hits midlife and buys a sports car, takes up bungee
jumping, and runs off with the baby sitter. The
invisible worker goes off the deep end and decides
that the only way to become visible is with an automatic
rifle. The invisible child becomes visible by becoming
anorectic, or driving into a tree, or vandalizing
the decorations for the prom.
Sometimes people just stay invisible and begin to
fade, even to themselves. A stranger looks back
at them from the mirror each morning. A stone is
tied around their hearts and moored to job, family,
duty.
Mutual Invisibility
I don't think invisibility is always one-way. If
my bosses don't know me, I may not have much motivation
to know them beyond press releases and in-house
puffery. If my partner seems invisible to me, I
am probably invisible to her. My kids and I could
be mutual strangers, invisible to each other. Except
for prominent news-makers, my political representatives
are as invisible to me as I am to them.
Being invisible in a customer service or bureaucratic
encounter can become part of a perpetuating cycle.
Two invisible people face emptiness over a phone
line or counter.
Throwing Off the Cloak
With a flourish, the character in the story (you?
me?) whirls about. The disguising cloak goes spinning
off the shoulders and flutters to the ground in
front of the astonished onlookers.
Who is revealed? A villainous monster, with sneering
lips and cruel, hooded eyes? A heroic figure, with
confident grin and steady, determined eyes? It turns
out that our cloak of invisibility wasn't invisible
at all. It was a cloak of disguise: The Man Cloak.
The Woman Cloak. The Dad Cloak. The Mom Cloak. The
Worker Bee Cloak. The Racial Cloak. The Bureaucratic
Number Cloak.
Society and social expectations wove some of my
cloaks and have wrapped them tightly around me.
Other cloaks are woven of my own internal materials
and my own experiences. Some are conscious, many
are not.
I've managed to throw off some of my cloaks. Sometimes
I've found a villain inside. Sometimes I've found
a hero. Sometimes I've just found more cloaks.
Simple Things
There should be some simple things anyone can do
to shrug off a few cloaks, at least in our daily
encounters. And for me there are three things -
simple in concept and quite difficult in execution.
Being present. One of my biggest struggles
is a lifelong choice to be lost in thought, unaware
of my surroundings. This has made some relationships
difficult. Part of the problem, I think, is not
being present to myself, let alone others. What
is it about me that I don't care to be with? Why
do I want to be invisible to myself? Being present,
in the here and now, is difficult but rewarding.
Seeing the individual. That person
behind the counter is not just an anonymous minor
functionary (I tell myself). She may be ugly or
gorgeous; she may be overweight or thin; she may
be of a different race or culture; she may speak
with an accent different from mine. I am challenged
to not let my perception stop at what is obvious
or manifest. I use some imagination. She has a family.
A pet or two. Heartburn from lunch. Heartache in
life. Whatever. I try to look out of her eyes at
the man in front of her. Is the man (that is, am
I) smiling, frowning, stone-faced? Is his voice
a tired, bored monotone, angry, or somehow engaged
and cheerful?
Family members can be just as anonymous: Is he The
Noisy Kid Who Won't Do His Homework Ever, or my
flesh and blood, a child with deep feelings and
unfulfilled needs, who either adores me or would
if I let him? Is she The Wife Who Nags, or my unique
partner and soul-mate, the one who knows me best
and loves me anyway, who wants and deserves to see
me as engaged and cheerful - and present?
Being myself. A mask is an important
accessory to a cloak of invisibility. As part of
seeing the individual, I try to drop the mask of
anonymity and let that individual see me. I joke,
I make small talk, I say "please" and
"thank you" (and mean it). I won't become
best friends with a store clerk, but why should
this person rate less of me than my friends or family?
I give the gift of my self to my intimates without
expecting a gift in return - why not a stranger?
A family is where we shouldn't have to wear masks,
but we wear them anyway. I've had to catch myself
sometimes and ask what part of me the mask was trying
to protect. It's easier to be myself at home with
my family, but it's not automatically so.
These exercises sometimes don't work, because of
circumstances or my own shortcomings. Often enough,
however, the exercises result in everyone emerging
from invisibility and seeing each other with the
joy that we all deserve.
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