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When I started on my own spiritual path, I was
not in tune or understood completely the meaning
of the word spiritual. I thought it meant believing
in God and believing that Jesus was the one and
only Son of God. I was 13, had a profound experience
and strongly considered entering the priesthood.
Therefore, I figured that anything within me and
others that was hateful, crude, and selfish was
not spiritual If I could transcend all the things
I did not like about myself, parts that I thought
were not spiritual in nature and detrimental to
my own spirituality--and if I could be a loving
and forgiving person at all times, then I would
be walking a spiritual path.
It took me more than 30 years to decide to become
human again and stop trying to be a saint and to
look deep within my own flawed nature for salvation
for my own spirituality. It took the courage to
admit that I had doubts, that I would make mistakes,
that I would have those long dark nights of uncertainty,
dark nights of the soul. I needed hard work and
help from others to start to fashion a concept of
spirituality that respected both my divine nature
and my humanity. It took my own combination of religion,
psychology and science, to forge a path that felt
genuine and inspirational.
Instead of continually beating myself up for coming
short of what I was taught God expected of me and
avoiding the self I hardly knew, I changed my focus.
I was accustomed to shutting down or blotting out
feelings of longing, loneliness, and I started to
deal with them.
We hunger for the security of tradition regardless
of how doubtful we are of its authenticity. It is
less of a challenge to feed the hunger we have with
simple explanations, concepts, or rules (or drugs,
food, or drink) than to rest for a while in the
depths of our heart’s desire.
But if we want to open the doors to life’s
joy and God’s peace within us, we have to
learn how to fearlessly explore the full terrain
of our human longing and our souls wanting. This
quest for the Holy Grail does not have to take place
in any connection with a religious group either
orthodox or otherwise. The ordinariness of our daily
lives provides sacred enough ground for the journey.
The mind, the heart, the body and the soul need
to be in unison with each other and that is all
it requires.
Why should you trust me as a guide through this
journey? You should not… because just like
you, just like the great masters, I am a skeptic
on a mystic path, open to anything, but wary of
those who claim to know and have the one and only
true way… Perhaps because I have stumbled
as much as I have succeeded, and resisted change
as much as I have throughout my life and still I
have been transformed…
I do not claim to have all the answers only those
that have worked for me. I can only say I have studied
a diverse array of spiritual arenas. I believe,
from my own experiences in the power of what I have
learned, that it has brought me peace of mind and
a longing for discovery and a generosity of my heart
and love to the seeker… Ultimately the only
authority I could ever claim is that which you give
to me…
Read Part
2
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