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A Child's Shopping Spree.
Hammacher Schlemmer, billed as "America's
longest running catalogue" arrives, unsolicited,
in my mailbox. It claims to offer 'the best, the
only and the unexpected".
"The 120 MPH Electric Car," featured
on the cover for $108,000, is only 39-inches wide.
I get out my tape measure and figure I can just
squeeze inside, then refer to my college physics
text and indeed it might reach 120 were I to drive
it off the top of a 15-story building.
"The Applauding Automatic Return Putting Cup"
at $39.95 makes the sound of 'polite applause'.
I think I will need one that makes a loud guffaw
when I miss.
As a boy, I wanted to become a spy, so I seriously
consider "The G-Man's Convertible Travel Jacket"
at $69.95 featuring 40 hidden pockets. An x-ray
photo shows a number of interesting possibilities
for the pockets including sun glasses, a cell phone,
a small vial-mine will hold knock out drops, and
a pen-I want one that shoots poison! (Beware the
editor who turns down this haibun.)
In the end, I settle for "The Perpetual Motion
Rotating Globe." Even if I tire of it, I can
tell my friends that my hamster has circled the
globe more than once.
near miss-
the neighbor's kid zips by
on his new chrome scooter
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